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 New fanfic! Yay!

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Vex
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PostSubject: New fanfic! Yay!   Sun Jul 05, 2009 6:13 pm

I'm writing my new fanfic, and I have a really good feeling about this one. I don't have a name for it yet, and I don't have a name for the prologue either. But I hope you enjoy it anyway!


Prologue:

“Have you finished testing them?” A deep, mysterious voice thundered.

“Yes, my lord. It appears that they are moving around well, although the lasers are not functioning properly…” Another voice answered.

“How so?” The first voice asked, temper rising.

“The lasers are shooting out of the back of their heads, my lord...” The second voice answered, afraid for his life.


Meanwhile, on the other side of the station…

A crowd of monkeys ran wildly, destroying everything they saw.

“Yes, my minions, destroy! Destroy what they may attempt to use to destroy us! We will show them who is destroying who!” A monkey yelled. He had an odd helmet on his head, and had a long purple cape on.

A green flash of light passed, and all the other monkeys fell to the ground. The flash stopped, and it developed into the shape of a human. The monkey froze.

“You can’t beat me, punk!” It yelled. It had a green dress, with a black belt, and black hair. But it’s skin…

It’s skin was green.

“No!” The monkey gasped. “It… It can’t be so! Fusion Buttercup!”

Fusion Buttercup froze. “He knows about Fusions! I have to kill him now, he knows too much!” It thought.

It flew straight towards the monkey, and gave him a hard punch on the helmet. The monkey fell to the ground, his helmet breaking to reveal an enormous brain. Fusion Buttercup gave him one last kick in the stomach, leaving him unconscious.

Fusion Buttercup flew across the building, knocking past several other Fusions at work.

“Lord Fuse! Lord Fuse!” It yelled.

“What is it, Fusion!?” Lord Fuse roared angrily.

“My master, a creature has invaded our station with an army of his species! I have destroyed his army, and I have knocked unconscious the commander.” Fusion Buttercup panted, out of breath.

“Bring the commander to me! Fusion Dexter, prepare to give your new weapon another test.” Lord Fuse ordered them.

“Yes, master!” The two Fusions responded, leaving to do their tasks.

About five minutes later, Fusions Dexter and Buttercup returned. Fusion Buttercup dropped the monkey on the floor, while Fusion Dexter brought in what appeared to be a black and green robot, about four feet tall in size.

“Lord Fuse, this prototype takes the shape of a “Dexbot”, a robot invented on Earth by my fake counterpart, Dexter…” Fusion Dexter grimaced. “Once it is finished, it will be able to hack into—“

“Fusion Dexter, we shall continue our discussion after we have zapped this ‘monkey’.” Lord Fuse grew even more impatient.

“Yes sir.” Fusion Dexter pulled out a remote control, and pushed the big red button that was on it.

A green stream of light zoomed out of the back of the robot’s head, colliding with a big window. The laser reflected off of it, sending it straight at Fusion Buttercup. Fusion Buttercup ducked under it, cursing at Fusion Dexter.

The laser crashed into a lever, knocking it as far up as it could go, then turning into a pile of green goo.

An alarm started to sound, and the big window opened wide. Space started to suck up everything, and the monkey flew out of the window. Fusion Dexter ran over to the control panel, typed in something, and the window closed.

“You idiot! Now the monkey got away ‘cause of your stupid robot!” Fusion Buttercup yelled, two seconds from killing him.

“Silence!” Lord Fuse’s voice echoed throughout the room, and both of the Fusions froze.

“Once that monkey makes his way back to Earth, he will tell them, and then they will all know we are coming. We must start the invasion now.” Lord Fuse continued. “Let the invasion begin!”
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Arlen McCool
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PostSubject: Re: New fanfic! Yay!   Sun Jul 05, 2009 6:27 pm

Nice Vex. That's really cool.

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PostSubject: Re: New fanfic! Yay!   Sun Jul 05, 2009 6:29 pm

Arlen McCool wrote:
Nice Vex. That's really cool.

Cool, what'd you like about it? BTW, I put in two hints about the plot of the story, PM me your guess?
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PostSubject: Re: New fanfic! Yay!   Sun Jul 05, 2009 6:37 pm

Cool, can you cam me?
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PostSubject: Re: New fanfic! Yay!   Sun Jul 05, 2009 6:43 pm

Well, for one thing, I like just how profesnaly it is written. Very well written. No grammar errors, which can always detract from a story.

Second, I can see how you went in with the Mojo thing, kind of like the Manga on FusionFall.com, except much more detailed and it makes more sense. I love that aspect.

Third, you are telling it from both points of view. I like that.

Finnally, you really hook readers/me in, and this Prolouge just leaves them/me wanting more. Keep up with the cliff hangers, until the final part of it when you piece it all in. You keep a reader's interest every time you leave them hanging. All in all, very proffsinal, good read, can't wait to see more.


PM coming soon.

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PostSubject: Re: New fanfic! Yay!   Sun Jul 05, 2009 7:18 pm

"Well, for one thing, I like just how profesnaly it is written. Very well written. No grammar errors, which can always detract from a story."

Thanks, Spelling's one of my favorite classes. ^_^

"Second, I can see how you went in with the Mojo thing, kind of like the Manga on FusionFall.com, except much more detailed and it makes more sense. I love that aspect."

Thanks, I always loved the manga, and I always wanted some more details on how Mojo was knocked out of Space, so I decided to make some. Smile

"Third, you are telling it from both points of view. I like that."

Yup, this'll happen some more. I think you guys'll enjoy the Fusions' side of the story, it should be interesting. ^_^

"Finnally, you really hook readers/me in, and this Prolouge just leaves them/me wanting more. Keep up with the cliff hangers, until the final part of it when you piece it all in. You keep a reader's interest every time you leave them hanging. All in all, very proffsinal, good read, can't wait to see more."

Thanks! This is really constructive stuff, I love it when people take time to tell me what they like about it. Smile

And believe me, more cliff hangers to come. Very Happy
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PostSubject: Re: New fanfic! Yay!   Sun Jul 05, 2009 7:25 pm

i like how the introduction states the happening of the fusions instead of the heros because its not only the heros side that is affected by the war.


2nd of all i like it how u have in a sequence of events. you have good grammar my friend. btw if this is only the proluge cant wait 4 chapter 1.
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PostSubject: Re: New fanfic! Yay!   Sun Jul 05, 2009 7:30 pm

Dexlabs1 wrote:
i like how the introduction states the happening of the fusions instead of the heros because its not only the heros side that is affected by the war.


2nd of all i like it how u have in a sequence of events. you have good grammar my friend. btw if this is only the proluge cant wait 4 chapter 1.

Yup, only the prologue. ^_^

Thanks for all of this guys, this is really great! Very Happy
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PostSubject: Re: New fanfic! Yay!   Sun Jul 05, 2009 7:50 pm

I have to say I'm very impressed with the progress you've made, even though you had released this story before I tackled (kind of literally lol Razz ) your other one. The speed of the story is at a good pace to take everything in, there's more detail to the story so we get a much clearer image of the scene, and I like the suspense that's starting to build even in this early prologue. Plus you've improved your grammar, spelling, and word usage from the first story; I like that! Wink And like Arlen said, it somewhat reminded me of the Manga as I was following along; that's really cool. I'm keeping my eyes on this thread. Keep up the good work! Very Happy

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PostSubject: Re: New fanfic! Yay!   Sun Jul 05, 2009 8:44 pm

NZeroJunior wrote:
I have to say I'm very impressed with the progress you've made, even though you had released this story before I tackled (kind of literally lol Razz ) your other one. The speed of the story is at a good pace to take everything in, there's more detail to the story so we get a much clearer image of the scene, and I like the suspense that's starting to build even in this early prologue. Plus you've improved your grammar, spelling, and word usage from the first story; I like that! Wink And like Arlen said, it somewhat reminded me of the Manga as I was following along; that's really cool. I'm keeping my eyes on this thread. Keep up the good work! Very Happy


Thanks! Wow, I'm getting so much encouragement! I'm gonna go start working on chapter one early... Right now! Very Happy
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PostSubject: Re: New fanfic! Yay!   Sun Jul 05, 2009 10:18 pm

I like the direction this story is going in, it's very interesting. I'm curious to figure out he has Fusions already, being so far away though.

Great work bro!

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PostSubject: Re: New fanfic! Yay!   Sun Jul 05, 2009 10:36 pm

Greenganon wrote:
I'm curious to figure out he has Fusions already, being so far away though.

Well, we'll see how he got Fusions so early by season one or two, maybe three. Wink
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PostSubject: Re: New fanfic! Yay!   Mon Jul 06, 2009 7:06 pm

I think what youre talking about in prolouge. Its based on manga when mojo jojo and minions set off for something. Nice. I always wondered what and why he went.
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PostSubject: Re: New fanfic! Yay!   Tue Jul 07, 2009 12:41 am

I agree with Forestgur, I've never seen a side of the story which mentions Mojo leaving. That was a clever idea. Very Happy
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PostSubject: Re: New fanfic! Yay!   Tue Jul 07, 2009 1:43 am

yeah wen mojo left i always thought that he went out of space
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PostSubject: Re: New fanfic! Yay!   Tue Jul 07, 2009 10:11 am

i like it well written.....yada yada....i can tell this is goin to be a VERY cool story... Dancing Chicken Dancing Chicken Dancing Chicken Dancing Chicken
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