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 The Diaries of Alice by Forestgur

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Forestgur
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PostSubject: Re: The Diaries of Alice by Forestgur   Tue Jun 30, 2009 3:09 pm

Everyone I have good news and bad news....

Bad news: I'm at camp in POUGHKEEPSIE!! So i have little time to write more about Alice.

Good news: UNTIL THE WEEKEND!!! Camp is over on friday so after that I'M FREE!!!!

Good luck trying to wait,

Forestgur


Last edited by Forestgur on Thu Jul 02, 2009 5:38 pm; edited 1 time in total
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PostSubject: Re: The Diaries of Alice by Forestgur   Wed Jul 01, 2009 12:32 am

Aw man, that sucks! Can't wait until the weekend then!
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PostSubject: Re: The Diaries of Alice by Forestgur   Sat Jul 04, 2009 3:28 pm

Chapter 3 part 1

I woke up screaming surronded by beeps and boops. I screamed some more until I figured that I was in a regular Earth buliding. I suddenly felt embarrassed. I felt my cheeks getting warm and red. I lifted myself out of the hospital bed and looked out one of the round windows. "What the he-" I started. Next to the window I was looking out of , there was another set of 3 round windows. But these windows were green,red, and blue. I knew where I was. I knew it.

I was in the Powerpuff Girls' house.

Then I realized monsters were heading towards the house. I gasped a dreadful gasp. "So,"a voice said."you've woke up." I turned around and saw a pretty 19 year old girl standing the doorway. She walked towards the window and assured me, "Don't worry. Dexter installed a force field around here. No monsters can get in." I deeply sighed. "Why am I here?" I asked her. "Well, let's ask yor brother and your friends.Name's Britti by the way." She answered. Then she walked out the door and I heard her say, "You can come in now."

Blaze, Cantara, Bloo, and Mac came in. I waved. "Hey." they said. I sat down on the bed. "Why am I here?" I asked. Blaze started the story first. "When you uh, ran through the Terrafuser, you got 'hurt' so bad, it hurted a lot." Then Cantara continued, "Then the heroes came to help. We got outta there before the Spawns could do more damage to ourselves." "I wanted them to use a freeze ray. But no, they didn't listen!" Bloo commented. "Then we got you here in Pokey Oaks." Mac finished.

"Well thanks for narrowing it down." I said. Britti, standing in thr corner, said, "Amazingly, you have no injuries or wounds or conditions." "Wow." I replied, being thankful. Brita left the room so we could have talking time. I smiled weakly. "Do you think I'm crazy?" I asked. "No.You were just trying to protect Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends." Blaze answered. "Thanks for helping us." Mac said. "You three were so cool. You were swinging your glass around, while Blaze kept whacking the Spawns, and Cantara was beating up the monsters!" Bloo said. Only Cantara remained silent.

"What's the matter?" I asked her. "Huh?" Cantara said. "Oh, I'm just remarked at the fact you were out for 2 days." "TWO DAYS?!" I shouted. "Seriously?" Cantara nodded and continued staring into space. Britti came in again. "Alice, you can get out of here tomorrow morning." she said. "Why don't you get some more sleep?"

"But I just woke up." I said. "Sleep will heal that bruise of yours on your arm. "Britti said. "OK." I said. She led Blaze and my friends out along with herself.


I sighed and bagan to drift off to sleep.


Last edited by Forestgur on Sun Jul 05, 2009 11:49 am; edited 1 time in total
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PostSubject: Re: The Diaries of Alice by Forestgur   Sat Jul 04, 2009 8:57 pm

Yay, you're back! Very Happy Awesome part-of-a-chapter!
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PostSubject: Re: The Diaries of Alice by Forestgur   Sat Jul 04, 2009 10:38 pm

There's a little surprise in this chapter....

( smiles mysteriously )

It's so surprising even I don't know it......no seriously i dont. lol
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PostSubject: Re: The Diaries of Alice by Forestgur   Sat Jul 04, 2009 11:42 pm

Cool, I like surprises! Smile
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PostSubject: Re: The Diaries of Alice by Forestgur   Sun Jul 05, 2009 12:08 pm

Chapter 3 part 3

That morning, there was a knot under my back. So I turned onto my side, sleepily.
----------------------

I was flying with the Powerpuff Girls. Bubbles and Buttercup were holding me by the hand. Throughout the streets of Pokey Oaks, we glided smoothly in the sky. "How do you like your dream?" Blossom asked me, flying next to Bubbles. "It's great! I haven't been this happy ever since Dad invited me to be in a spaceship with him!" I shouted against the strong wind.
--------------------
I still felt uncomfortable and rolled over on my stomach. That felt a whole lot better.
-------------------
"We're so glad you like it." Blossom said. I smiled. But something felt wrong in the pit of my stomach.....
Suddenly, a garuantuan green gooey monster attacked Pokey Oaks. I shrieked a bit and yelled, "There's one of those alien monsters!!"

The Powerpuff Girls smiled mischeivously. "Don't worry....We don't attack those monsters......"they all said at the same time.

This was really creeping me out. If this wasn't scary enough, the Powerpuffs' skin peeled away, revealing green flesh. I gasped in horror, disgust, and dread. I let go of their hands and dropped to the ground.

Then Bubbles quickly flew after me, making sure I didn't hit the earth. "Don't be afraid. For you might know us...." she whispered gently. Even though she mimicked the real Bubbles, her voice was nothing like Bubbles'. It was a harsh, horrible, gnarled, tangled, spiny, and monsterous voice.

"Let go of me!" I yelled and screamed at the same time/
--------------------
As in a response, I heard two scared screams.
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PostSubject: Re: The Diaries of Alice by Forestgur   Mon Jul 06, 2009 12:34 am

Wow, that was great. I'd be scared out of my mind if I'd had that dream!
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PostSubject: Re: The Diaries of Alice by Forestgur   Tue Jul 07, 2009 9:20 pm

Chapter 3 part 3

I was awoken by two frightened screams. I relievefully woke up and scanned the room. Nothing.Huh.I lay back down.

I quickly froze. I felt something animated and crawly all over my back. I slowly looked over my back. When I saw, my heart froze and burst at the same time. My veins turned to ice.

Attached to my back were 4 blue furry arms. Spidermonkey arms, I noticed. In my mind, I went insane.But outside, I was calm and cool as if nothing happened.

After a few thoughtful minutes, I yelled, "COOL!!"
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PostSubject: Re: The Diaries of Alice by Forestgur   Tue Jul 07, 2009 9:21 pm

I know this is so short.
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PostSubject: Re: The Diaries of Alice by Forestgur   Wed Jul 08, 2009 12:51 am

That was weird, but really cool!
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PostSubject: Re: The Diaries of Alice by Forestgur   Wed Jul 08, 2009 11:02 am

Cool, cool, cool, coolie, cooly, coola,coolia,coolio, cool, cool, cool....

Really random I made up xD.
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PostSubject: Re: The Diaries of Alice by Forestgur   Wed Jul 08, 2009 1:52 pm

That's a catchy song.
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PostSubject: Re: The Diaries of Alice by Forestgur   Thu Jul 09, 2009 12:25 am

Agreed. Very Happy
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PostSubject: Re: The Diaries of Alice by Forestgur   Sun Jul 12, 2009 10:51 pm

Oh, I'm having trouble developing chapter 4. It might come tomorrow.
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PostSubject: Re: The Diaries of Alice by Forestgur   Mon Jul 13, 2009 1:26 am

Okay, cool.
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PostSubject: Re: The Diaries of Alice by Forestgur   Mon Jul 13, 2009 4:30 pm

Chapter 4 part 1

I was taking the slider home, wondering how the heck I got here so fast with Blaze. It was all a blur to me. As we were waiting for the Peach Creek Estates stop to come by, I was examing the glass I used as a sword, and Blaze was muttering unspeakable words to himself. I sighed. I knew Blaze only cared about protecting me, but he didn't have to be so serious.

We walked home, stealthily avoiding the monsters. We were about pass Delightful Developments when I said,"Wait here." I ran towards the Plumber base, avoiding any booby traps Father may had set. I got out of there as quickly as I went in. "What's that?" Vlaze pointed to the two backpack my spidermonkey arms were carrying. "Nothing." I answered.

Blaze shrugged and continued walking.

Meanwhile.............

"She's so pretty!" a boy exclaimed from his binoculars. "Ah, Jamie, you just like her cause of those things." his older brother pointed out. "No! She's preeetty!"Jamie argued. "So? She might not be what you expected." his brother defended. "Oh really?"How bout I walk up to her house and give her this cookie I'm holding in my hand right now??" Jamie said. "Oh you will?" his brother asked." I will!" Jamie slashed back. And walked out of the room.
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PostSubject: Re: The Diaries of Alice by Forestgur   Mon Jul 13, 2009 4:55 pm

The last part was funny. Great work, as usual. Very Happy
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PostSubject: Re: The Diaries of Alice by Forestgur   Mon Jul 13, 2009 5:02 pm

Wow. You reply fast.
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PostSubject: Re: The Diaries of Alice by Forestgur   Mon Jul 13, 2009 7:55 pm

Hey, I just read this story, but I regret to say that I was less impressed than I thought I was going to be and I don't think I can say the same thing everyone else has said. But it's just me and I'm not impressed as easily as most people. And unlike most people either, I show no mercy Evil or Very Mad

I'm sorry to say that I lost interest before I got to the 2nd chapter Sad . The primary issue I saw was the lack of descriptive detail in the story; there wasn't enough detail and descriptions to keep me interested to put it plain and simple. Plus your sentences were really short. There's not much to say. Short sentences aren't very interesting. Especially if there's no variety of sentence length. Isn't this quite boring to read? Get my point? Razz And to contrast, I think that you can keep some of the chapter parts together. Too many parts and breaks makes the story too choppy to follow, don't you think?

I think you can do better with this story; not in your storyline, but how you present it. I would bet 5000 FF taros that your English teacher would say the same if he/she read your story.

Again, I'm sorry to put the hammer of hurt on you, but it's just what I have to honestly say. But don't let my criticism discourage you from writing if that's what you really enjoy what you do.

_________________
-end transmission-
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PostSubject: Re: The Diaries of Alice by Forestgur   Mon Jul 13, 2009 8:43 pm

Actuallly..........
My english teacher says all my stories are great, so where's the 5000 taros??

Lol, just kidding. I'll try to improve on my story. Actually, I'm planning a completley revised version edition of this story when Book 1 is done. But I'll improve on upcoming chapters.

Finally, someone gives me some negative stuff I can improve on! cheers bounce Very Happy

This does not mean I like sloppy stories.
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PostSubject: Re: The Diaries of Alice by Forestgur   Wed Jul 15, 2009 12:23 pm

Is this better?
Chapter 4 part 2

As I watched tv, I complained, "I hate this invasion cause they canceled tv!" Blaze rolled his eyes and pressed a few buttons on the cable box and the channels came on. But all it showed was SERVICE CANCELLED DUE TO INVASION. "NOOOOOO!!"I yelled angrily and shook my fists. Blaze rolled his eyes again and threw me his keys. "Do something." he suggested. I sighed and went out the back door.

A blonde-haired boy was standing in the doorway, offering me a cookie. I stared for a few moments and finally closed the door quickly. I opened the door again and saw the boy again. I closed it. I opened and closed it, opened and closed, opened and closed, opened and closed, and opened and closed it 7 times. And 7 times the boy was still there.

At the last time, the boy stopped the door from being closed and said very fast," Iloveyoumynameisjamiehere'sacookiebye!" and then left me with a dumbfounded expression on my face. I shrugged and took a bite into the cookie.

Mmm, chocolate fudge.


-----------------------------

Later that night.....


Suddenly I found myself floating in outer space. I saw Earth just as normal as it was before. Then the scene fast-forwarded. In less than two minutes, Planet Fusion invaded, completely absorbed it, and moved on to its next victim.

"This is how your pretty little world will be reduced to nothing." A girl's voice entered my head. I looked around and discovered that I was no longer in outer space; I was in a dark cavern. FM veins ran through the walls and the floor. "Your days are numbered, and so is your planet's." The voice spoke.I turned around and saw a pair of angry red eyes in the shadows, watching me, speaking to me.

"Tell me. Are you scared? Do you want to go back home sleeping in your comfy bed?" The voice coaxed.I gulped and thought, If I say yes, it might kill me. "No, I'm not scared of you. You don't even have a face! But I don't want anymore nightmares. They're starting to get really creepy." I answered.

"Fine,"said the voice," but know this:"

"Thou art not worthy
To live good
Hence thy opponent shall
not live to see thy good days."

And, thus, my dream ended.
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PostSubject: Re: The Diaries of Alice by Forestgur   Wed Jul 15, 2009 5:52 pm

Wow, that was cool. I wonder who that person was in her dream... And the cookie moment was hilarious!
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PostSubject: Re: The Diaries of Alice by Forestgur   Sat Jul 18, 2009 6:57 pm

internet broke wont post in while
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PostSubject: Re: The Diaries of Alice by Forestgur   Sat Jul 18, 2009 8:44 pm

Aww, that sucks. Sad
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