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 Ben Emeraldburn, Season One: Time & Space.

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PostSubject: Ben Emeraldburn, Season One: Time & Space.   Thu May 28, 2009 10:11 am

The Story of Ben Emeraldburn.
Season One: Time and Space.

Prologue: Kindra.

On the planet of Kindra, lived a young boy named Ben. He had brown razor-cut hair, brown eyes, and wore a white tee-shirt with a red jacket, and blue pants with yellow stripes going down, and green shoes.

“Good morning, Mom,” I yawned. “What’s for Breakfast?”

“Good Morning, Dear,” My Mom answered to me. “We’re having pancakes. Your siblings have already late and left.”

My twin brother, Roy, has the same eyes and hair as me, but wears black shirts, shoes, and pants, and they all have glowing blue lines going down. Kim has brown piggy-tail hair, green eyes, pink tee-shirt, blue jeans, and purple shoes.

“Aw! Well, has Dad left already?” I asked her.

“Yes, he has.” My Mom sighed. “Off to the choronite mines again. Oh, the pancakes are ready. Go to the table.”

“Okay!” I grinned. I quickly ate them, and then I went outside to play. The outdoors on Kindra were kind of different then on Earth. The sky was always a little darker, and there was no grass. But I didn’t care about that, because I like to play on my bike my Dad gave me for my birthday. My bike was blue and red, and had some buttons on the handles for different functions. Hover, accelerate, stuff like that.

“Hey Ben! What’s up?” My neighbor, Angela, asked me. She had long, black hair, yellow eyes, a grey shirt with a black jacket, light blue jeans, and orange shoes.

“Nothing. Have you seen Roy and Kim?”

“Kim went over to your Dad’s workplace to bring him his lunch, he left it again. I haven’t seen Roy though.”

“Oh. Well, I’ll go look for Roy then. Seeya!”

“Bye!”

So I rode my bike over to Marty’s, Roy’s favorite place to hang out. When you went inside, you could see that it was dimly lit, a little small, and it had shelves filled with comics.

“Hello? Anyone here?”

“Hiya, Ben,” Replied Marty. “What can I get for ya?”

“Nothing. Just looking for Roy.”

“He left awhile ago, said he saw somethin’ and went looking for it,” Marty told me. “He had a water gun with him.”

“Which way did he go?”

“That way.” Marty said while pointing to the left of the entrance.

“Okay. Seeya later, Marty.”

“Same here,” Marty replied. “Oh, yeah, I didn’t have a chance to tell ‘em, but when you see him, tell him I have the latest copy of “The adventures of Mystery Man” in, okay?”

“I will. Seeya later.”

“Bye.”

So, I rode the way Marty told me to, and then I saw a ship parked in the meadow. It wasn’t that unusual, but I had no idea what kind of ship it was, or why it was here. So I decided to take a look. I hid my bike in a bush, and quietly slid down the hill.
That’s when I started to get freaked out.
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PostSubject: Re: Ben Emeraldburn, Season One: Time & Space.   Thu May 28, 2009 10:12 am

Chapter One: The Ship.

Because the ship was heavily guarded by Petrosapiens. Their bodies were made of crystal, and they had blackish robot suits. And there were Tetramands carrying heavy crates out of the ship. The Tetramands were red, and they had four mighty arms with four yellow eyes. And there was this odd species that I had never heard of standing near them, ordering them around.

“Move it! Keep working!” Yelled the strange species, who appeared to be the Commander.

I thought I should run for it, in case they were dangerous. So I ran as fast as I could back to my bike, but one of them noticed me!

“Halt!” Thundered a Petrosapien. “Don’t move!”

“Who goes there?” The Commander questioned as he looked around, then saw me and glared.

“I-I’m Ben.” I stuttered. “What would this ship be doing here?”

“Nothing of your business.” The Commander warned. “Now leave.”

“I was wondering what this ship was doing on this planet.”

“Leave now or die.” The Commander seemed to growl, and he quickly put his right hand in his pocket, and I took that as a bad sign.

So I ran to my bike and rode away for my life.

“Mom! Mom!” I yelled, looking around for her.

“You don’t have to yell, Dear,” My Mom answered. “What is it?”

“I was at the meadow! And there were these Petrosapiens! And these Tetramands! And this other one, and they were carrying these things! And- and-!”

“Ben, settle down!” My Mom laughed. “I’m sure they’re just delivering something, or buying choronite.”

“But Mom! The Commander threatened to kill me!” Then my Mom stopped laughing.

“Are you sure, Ben? This is a serious thing to accuse.”

“The Commander said “Leave now or die.”, and then I ran to my bike and came back here!”

“Ben… Stay here with Kim, and I’ll go to the mines to tell your Father.” She thought carefully. “Then me and your Father will decide what to do. Roy should be back soon.”

“O-o-okay.” I stuttered, trying not to cry.

“It’ll be alright, Dear. Now, lunch is on the table. Go eat, I’ll be back with your Father soon.” She then swiftly left the room.

I went to the table, and tried to eat. It wasn’t easy to eat a Kanuchi sandwich (PBJ sandwich on Kindra) when you had just been threatened to die ten minutes ago. So, I put it in the fridge, and went outside to tell Angela.

“Angela, listen to this,” I said as I entered her room. “I saw a bunch of Petrosapiens and Tetramands at this big ship in the meadow, and this Commander threatened to kill me if I didn’t leave.”

“Ben! Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I got away safely,” I assured her. “But I probably wouldn’t have if I had stayed there much longer.”

“You’ve gotta be careful! How did you find them, and what was the Commander like?” She asked me.

“Well, he was kinda like—“ Then I saw my Mom and Dad running home, so I ran out of her house and ran up to them. “Mom! Dad!” I cried with relief, and I jumped up to hug my Dad. Although my Mom is a human, my Dad is Methanosian. Methanosians are green, almost vine like, and they have a black face, with flames coming off the top of their head and shoulders. I have my dad’s powers, and I can transform from my human form to my Methanosian form. My Brother and Sister don’t have any of Methanosian powers, though, just me.

“It’ll be okay, son, your Mother told me everything.” He comforted me. “I called the Sheriff. I told him everything, and he and his team will go to the valley soon.”

“Just the Sheriff!?! There were Petrosapiens! And Tetramands! Get the Galactic Enforcers!”

“Son, I’m sure that the Sheriff can take care of it. He and his team will—“

“Have you even seen how many there were!?! The Sheriff and his team are outnumbered!

“That’s why me and the other men will go down an help them.” I was speechless. Now the strangers would be outnumbered.

“I guess…”

“Hey Ben!” Roy yelled, grinning. Of course, he knew nothing about what had happened down at the valley. “C’mon! You said we’d hang out at Marty’s tomorrow yesterday!”

“…I’m coming.” I turned to look at my Mom and Dad, and they understood what my look meant. It meant for them to be careful. Then I grabbed my bike, and rode down to Marty’s with Roy.
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PostSubject: Re: Ben Emeraldburn, Season One: Time & Space.   Thu May 28, 2009 10:12 am

Chapter Two: Battle for Kindra

“By the way,” I told Roy as we rode to Marty’s. “Your comic’s in.”

“Cool! Which one!?!” Roy asked me excitedly.

“I’m not sure. “The Adventures” something.” I told him, not really focusing as I was still thinking of the ship.

“Oh. Hey, here we are.” Said Roy as we arrived.

“Hey! There ya are Roy!” Marty grinned to Roy, as we each went over to the counter. “The Adventures of Mystery Man’s in. By the way, what did you have that water gun for this morning?”

“Huh?” Roy questioned. “Oh, yeah. There was this big ship in the meadow! And there were Petrosapiens! And--!” I then realized, I wasn’t the only one who saw it. I didn’t really pay much attention as he spoke, because I already knew everything he saw. “—and then, there was this weirdo guy and I had no idea what kind of species he is, heh heh.” He laughed.

“Roy, let’s go home now…” I told him, hoping to tell him what I had seen there. “There’s something I need to tell you.”

“Aw, we just got here!” Roy pouted. “Besides, what do you need to tell me that you can’t tell me here?”

“About the ship,” I whispered quickly. “Come outside with me, hurry.” We then went outside to talk.

“How do you know about the ship?” He asked me, confused. “When did you find it?”

“Half an hour ago.” I answered him. “The Sheriff, his team, and Dad and his men are going down there to deal with them. The Commander guy threatened to kill me.” I added.

“No way!” Roy exclaimed. “You’ve got to be kidding me!”

“No joke,” I said, sighing. “It’s true.”

“We’ve gotta go watch them!” Roy yelled. “It’ll be awesome!”

“What? No way!” I said, staring at him. “It’d be way too dangerous! Besides, we’d get in trouble.”

“C’mon,” Roy begged. “It’ll be cool!”

“No.” I told him, glaring.

“Aw!” Roy moaned. “But we could bring Kim, and Angela, and we could hide in a bush or something.”

“Well…” I considered, thinking. It would be fun to bring Angela, and watch them fight. Dad said they’d go there in an hour, they were getting ready right now. “Okay, okay, I guess. I’ll go get Angela and Kim, you stay here.”

“Awesome!” Roy roared.

So I got on my bike, and rode back to my house. I saw Kim talking to Angela on Angela’s porch.

“Angela! Kim!” I hollered. “Listen to this…”

I then whispered Roy and I’s plan to them.

“You’re really doing this?” Angela whispered in disbelief.

“Really? Cool!” Kim smiled.

“We’ll do it in an hour.” I told them. “Get ready.”

An hour later, we were all ready. We rode down to the valley, leaving our bikes at Marty’s and walking the rest of the way. We quietly hid in a bush, the same bush I had hidden my bike in earlier. Then we waited, and ten minutes later, I heard footsteps. The footsteps of the Sheriff and his team, and my Dad and his men. And then I heard the Sheriff speak.

“Just what is going--?” The Sheriff asked, but then stopped, staring at the Commander. “You’re all under arrest!” Then, when my Dad saw the Commander, he shot a firebolt at him.

“What the heck is going on!?!” Roy whispered, and a Petrosapien heard him.

“Ah-ha!” The Petrosapien said, and then he shot a crystal at us!

“Run!” I yelled, then we ran out of the bush, barely dodging the crystal. Luckily, Dad didn’t notice.

“Attack!” The Commander shouted.

“Attack Vilgax!” The Sheriff shouted, and then I realized how far we had gotten ourselves into.

“Guys! We have to get out of here! This is WAY too dangerous!” I whispered to them as we ran. But then, before anything more could be said, a Tetramand grabbed the four of us with his big, mighty arms. Then, we blacked out…
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PostSubject: Re: Ben Emeraldburn, Season One: Time & Space.   Thu May 28, 2009 10:13 am

Chapter Three: Part One: Kidnapped!

“Oh…” I groaned as I woke up, thinking that I was at home. Then I remembered what had happened, then I looked around.

“Ben!” Roy whispered. “We’re trapped! Someone chained us in this cell!”

“Who? Where are we?” I asked, startled.

“That Commander guy you were talking about? He’s Vilgax…” He said, quietly.

“Vilgax!?! The guy that’s on all those wanted signs!?!” I almost yelled.

“Yeah. He stopped by a little while ago. Said he had something “special” planned…” Roy told me, scared.

“It’ll be okay. Are Angela and Kim awake?”

“No, they’re out cold.”

“Well, I have an idea. I’ll transform into my Methanosian form, and I’ll try to break us out.” I whispered to him quietly.

“Good idea. But careful, it looks like guards patrol around here.”

“I’ll be okay.” Then, I closed my eyes, and for a minute, everything was quiet. Then, my stomach started to feel upset, and my head felt dizzy. But then, it all stopped, and when I opened my eyes, I had turned into my Methanosian form, and I suddenly felt very hot, and I felt a little slimy.

Roy stared at me.

“You did it! Now let’s get out of here!” He exclaimed, grinning.

“Okay. One escape, coming up.” I said, also grinning. I then shot a firebolt at the cell door, and it caught on fire and quickly melted away. Then I shot a firebolt at Roy, Kim, and Angela’s chains, and Roy jumped out of the cell with me.

“Hey! You two! Freeze!” Someone yelled, and I swung around and saw a Tetramand glaring at us.

“Firebolt!” I yelled, shooting a firebolt at him. I didn’t have to yell firebolt when I shot one, I just did it for fun.

“Ugh!” The Tetramand groaned. But then he swung several punches, too many to count, at me. “Take that!”

“Hey! Stop it!” Roy yelled, looking around for a weapon he could use to help me fight. He then noticed a sword in the Tetramand’s scabbard. “Ah-ha!” Then he quickly took the sword out and slashed the Tetramand. I then shot a firebolt at him, and finished it off.

“We did it!” I yelled, proud of our victory. “Wait… Watch out! It’s a Petrosapien!” I yelled as I saw a Petrosapien coming towards us. I shot a couple of firebolts at him, but it was no use. It was as if he was invincible.

“Hiya!” Roy hollered as he slashed his sword at him, but the Petrosapien reflected it with his crystal-like arms.

“He’s invincible!” I yelled as the Petrosapien picked me up, and started to crush me.

“Stop… It…” I barely whispered as he squeezed my throat. I was running out of air, and everything was spinning.

“No!” Roy yelled, and gave another slash at the Petrosapien. But it was no use. I was going down.


Chapter Three: Part Two: Kidnapped!

“Ben!” Angela screamed, running in and jumping on top of the Petrosapien (Diamond-Head). Roy then quickly slashed the Petrosapien while he was distracted, and he didn’t have time to block it. I then fell to the floor with a thud, and started breathing heavily.

“You okay?” Angela asked, bending down to look at me.

“Yeah, I guess.” I whispered.

“How did you get out of your chains?” Roy questioned her.

“I picked at them. It’s easy.”

“But how did you—“

“C’mon, guys, we have to get out of here quick.” I reminded them. Hey, has Kim woke up yet?”

“Yeah, I couldn’t pick hers. She’s still waiting…”

“I’ll go get her.” I said. I then went back into the cell, and burned off her hand cups.

“Thanks!” She said, relieved.

“No problem. Now, we have to hurry. Another guard could come any moment.” I told the three of them.

“Like now?” I heard someone say, and then I quickly turned around and saw a two Cerebrocrustaceans. They were red, like giant crabs, but their brains were showing. And they can shoot electricity from their minds. Their super intelligent.

“I believe you four should go back into the cell we are currently allowing you four to use.” The other Cerebrocrustacean said.

“Don’t think so.” Roy said, he then jumped up and slashed one of them. I took his cue and firebolted the other.

“Ah! It hurts!” The two moaned. But then, they both started shooting electricity at us.

“Ben! I’m coming!” Angela screamed, and then she jumped up on top of one of the Cerebrocrustacean and stole a rifle out of his belt. Kim did the same to the other, and got a pistol.

“Fire! Go!” I yelled, and then we all shot/slashed them with our weapons, and we finished them off.

“We did it!” Kim screamed, proud of our victory.

“Hurry! Let’s get out of here!” Roy whispered, and we quickly ran into the next room. The next room was full of crates, and we heard footsteps. We quickly hid behind some crates to our left, and over the crates, I saw an Arburian Pelarota patrolling the room. They were white, with yellow pads and a yellow shell. They were like giant cannonballs, and they could roll around quickly, and they were quite strong.

“Careful, guys, I see an Arburian Pelarota!” I whispered. “Roy, you jump over this crate, slash at him, then I’ll go over there and—“

“I don’t think so.” The Arburian Pelarota said as he overheard, he then quickly started rolling everywhere, looking for us.

“Split up!” I yelled, then I ran everywhere, shooting firebolts at the Arburian Pelarota, but he kept escaping me, and the crates were catching on fire.

“Fool!” The Arburian Pelarota said, and then he rolled out the other door, and disappeared. I then heard a “clink!” sound, and when I tried to open the door, it wouldn’t budge.

“Guys!” I yelled. “They locked the door!”

“I’ll try the other one!” Kim yelled, she then ran over and tried to open it. “No! It’s no use!”

“Hurry! We have to get out of here!” Angela panicked.

“The fires spreading!” Roy yelled. “Do something!”

“I’ll try and bust down the door!” I said. Then I tried to bust it down, but it wouldn’t work! We were really trapped this time!

Chapter Three: Part Three: Kidnapped!

“It won’t budge!” I yelled, really freaking out now. “It’s no use! Good bye, guys!”

“No! We can’t give up now!” Angela reasoned. “We just have to stay calm, and think!”

“…Wait! Roy, do you still have that water gun!?!” I asked him. “That might hold it off a little longer!”

“I do! It’s in my backpack!” Roy realized, grinning. He then quickly shot at the fire, holding it off while we thought up a plan.

“Guys! I have a plan!” Said Kim. “Angela, you keep shooting at the door, and Ben, you shoot fire at the door, and I’ll shoot too. Roy, get over here and slice the door after we’re done, okay?”

“Right!”

“Okay, go!” Then, Angela and Kim shot at the door, and a couple of seconds later, I started shooting fire at the door. When we were all finished, Roy came up and gave three great, big, slashes at it.

“We did it!” I exclaimed, as the door fell to pieces. We quickly ran out into the hall, but the fire was gaining on us. We saw a great, big, door at the end of the wall. We opened it and went inside. WE then gasped in fear when we realized where we had gotten ourselves to.

“Intruders! Get them!” Vilgax roared, and the same Arburian Pelarota from the last room came charging at us, a Florauna, a Crystalsapien, and a strange green human boy that was bald with sunglasses. The Florauna was like a walking vine, but they were thick, and they could shoot seed bombs out of their back. Crystalsapiens were purple, with pink crystals sticking out around their head, and on top of their head.

“Guys! Attack!” I roared, as I took on the green boy, while Roy took the Arburian Pelarota, Kim started shooting the Florauna, and Angela fought the Crystalsapien. The green boy was very odd, I had never seen anything like it before at all. I shot three firebolts at him, but it was like he flew up and evaded them.

“Ben!” Angela screamed in terror, and I whipped around and saw her being held down by the Crystalsapien.

“No!” I roared, and I ran over and shot a long stream of fire at the Crystalsapien.

“Agh!” The Crystalsapien moaned, and it fell down to the floor. It didn’t move. I had killed. Those other aliens, we had just knocked out. But I had done it this time. I had killed.

“Ben! Behind you!” Angela screamed, and I turned around and saw the green boy charging at me. I dodged him, and Angela shot him down. I shot fire at him, and made sure to just knock him out.

“Ben! Help!”

I turned around to see the Florauna throwing seed bombs at Kim, and she was bleeding badly. I wouldn’t feel bad about this kill.

“Kim! I’m coming!” I ran over to her, and I shot several firebolts at the Florauna. As it was a plant, it quickly died.

“Are you okay! Kim!?!” I panicked as she started to turn pale.

“I… I…--“ Was all she could say as she fell to the ground.

“Kim!” I cried. I couldn’t let anyone here die.

“Ben! Go get Vilgax!” Roy yelled, as he finished off the Arburian Pelarota.

I nodded, and I searched the room for Vilgax, and I saw him getting in an escape pod while holding the green boy.

“Firebolt!” I yelled as I shot a firebolt at the escape pod. “No one’s getting out of here now!”

“Foolish boy! Prepare to die!” He thundered. He shot several lasers at me, and I shot firebolts at them, and they collided with a bang.

“Roy! Let’s take ‘em!”

“Right!” Roy agreed, grinning. I shot several firebolts at Vilgax, and while he was distracted, Roy got behind him and slashed him.

“No!” Vilgax shouted, and he grabbed Roy and threw him at the wall.

“Roy!” I yelled, and I ran over to see if he was okay. He wasn’t.

“I’M GONNA KILL YOU!!!” I roared, and I jumped at him and shot a stream of fire at his face, and then I punched him in the stomach, and kicked him in the shin.

He fell to the ground with a thud. He was dead.

Then I realized that the fire was catching up a lot faster than I thought it was, and I had burned the only escape pod.

“Ben! Get you and Roy over here!” Angela screamed, opening a second escape pod. There were more than I thought.

“Okay!” I answered, and I grabbed Roy and pulled him into the escape pod. I went in and closed it behind us, and out the window, I saw the fire I had caused eating up the room. Then, the escape pod started, and launched off the ship. It went so fast, and for a while I didn’t see anything we could land on. Then I saw a greenish planet in the distance, and farther away, a green and blue planet. And then, a screen on the escape pod lit up, and I saw the face of a kid with red hair and glasses.

“Who is this?” The boy asked.

“My name’s Ben. You?”

“Dexter.” He replied.
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PostSubject: Re: Ben Emeraldburn, Season One: Time & Space.   Thu May 28, 2009 10:13 am

Chapter Four: Space.


“You appear to be human, at least.” The boy remarked coldly.

“Why wouldn’t I?” I questioned him. “Why wouldn’t we be human?”

“Huh?” He asked, looking around. He then saw the other four. “Oh. Well, what are you doing in space? Who sent you?”

“What? No one sent us.”

“What are you doing out here then?” He asked, annoyed.

“We were kidnapped. We’re not exactly sure how.”

“Well, come back to Earth then.”

“What? What’s Earth?” I asked.

“You… You don’t know what Earth is?” He asked me, stunned.

“Nope.”

“Then where are you from?”

“Kindra.”

“Where?”

“Oh, never mind. Where’s the nearest place we can land on?”

“I’ll send you to Earth. Just let me set this on auto-pilot, I’ll be off-screen for a minute.” Then, he walked away, and I saw a blue d on the wall. There were also several odd little blue robots that walked by, one of them staring at me. Then Dexter came back and shooed it away.

“Okay, you should be headed to Earth now.”

“But I don’t wanna go to Earth! I wanna go home!” I yelled angrily.

“We’ll work on getting you home later, but first, don’t your friends need medical attention? They’re bleeding pretty badly.” He reminded me. It was true, though. I couldn’t see Kindra, and Earth was closer…

“Fine. But when will we get there?” I asked him.

“About an hour or two.” He answered. Then, I heard some loud bangs, and he turned around and his eyes widened. “NO!” Then the screen went fuzzy, then it darkened.

“Dexter? Dexter, what happened?” But nothing answered. The transmission was dead.

“Ben, I think Roy is waking up.” Angela told me, also reminding me that she was there.

“He is? Good. I’ll tell him what just happened.”

“…Oh… Where are we?” He asked, yawning.

“We got the last escape pod. Vilgax’s ship blew up.” I smirked. “And after that, there was this Dexter kid on that screen over there…” I continued to explain to him what had happened. “And then, he yelled “NO!”, and he ran off somewhere, and then we lost connection.” I told him, taking several deep breathes.

“Earth? Where’s that?” He asked.

“That green and blue planet over there.”

So, for half an hour, all was silent. Kim woke up around that time, and I explained to her what had happened too. Eventually, she went back to sleep, and a while later, Roy and Angela did the same. It was pretty quiet, and every minute or so I would check and see how much closer we were to Earth. I also thought of what could have happened to Dexter. Then the screen popped back into color, but I saw something different on it.

“My master, Dexter, has sent me.” The blue robot said. “I am Dexbot 492X, at your service.”

“What happened earlier?” I asked.

“Oh, fusion Mandark attacked. But, in a flash, Master Dexter grabbed a Hecto Deflector, and destroyed the fusion! Quite marvelous, isn’t it?”

“Um… Sure… So, when will we get to Earth?”

“Oh, only one hour, sixteen minutes, and thirty two seconds counting.” The Dexbot informed me.

“Oh, great. Well, where is Dexter? I have a few more questions to ask him.”

“Master Dexter is currently busy, and his location is of upmost secret, not to mention very important!” Man, Dexter seemed to program these robots to praise their creator. They kept going on and on about him!

“Whatever. Well, when you see him, tell him—“ Boom! I whirred around, and I saw hundreds of ships, shooting at each other. Blue laser, weird green ones, it was amazing.

“Sir? What was that odd loud noise that appeared to have been generated on your side of the line?” The Dexbot asked me.

“Um… Well…” I had no idea how to explain it. But then the screen blanked out again. “No! Agh! Their technology isn’t very good…”

The lasers kept shooting, and a couple of times, I noticed that a couple of the ships had the same d sign as Dexter’s, which didn’t really make since to me. Then again, I didn’t know anything about him, so maybe he manufactured ships. That, or it was his ship. I didn’t really care. I just hoped that we didn’t get hit.

“NO!” I yelled, as a laser shot at us. “GUYS! WAKE UP! WE’RE BEING SHOT DOWN!” I shouted, waking the three of them up.

“What’s going on!?!” Roy panicked, just waking up.

“What happened!?!” Angela jumped, hitting the short ceiling of the pod.

“THERE ARE THESE SHIPS SHOOTING AT US!!!” I yelled, completely freaking out. “THEY BROKE A HOLE INTOTHE POD!!!”

“Help!” Kim cried, slipping out of the ship as space tried to suck us all out.

“Kim!” Roy yelled, and before I could do anything, he grabbed her, and they both got sucked out.

“ROY! KIM! NO!”
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PostSubject: Re: Ben Emeraldburn, Season One: Time & Space.   Thu May 28, 2009 10:13 am

Chapter Five: Dexlabs.


“Ben!” Angela yelled, as she held me back from jumping in after them.

“Let me go!” I yelled, trying to jump in and find them. I focused, and I turned into my Methanosian form. I then easily slipped out, and I jumped in after them.

“Ben! No!” Angela yelled, as space sucked me away.

As I was sucked through space, I looked around for Kim and Roy. I couldn’t see them, and I couldn’t move. Space was taking control of me. So, I shot fire out of my hands to try and get around. That worked. So I floated around, looking for them. That’s when I saw them being pulled onto a ship. But of course, I couldn’t yell out to them. Even though I’m part alien, I still need oxygen. So I floated over there, and climbed onto the ship’s rails.

I looked both ways, and there was no one walking by. I quickly ran to the right, and went into a door. I took several heavy gasps of air, and continued. I saw them being pulled into the next room, and I got two firebolts ready, and I ran in after them.

“Your brother is still in the escape pod?” The familiar Russian accent asked Roy.

“Well, I thought that until he popped up behind you.” Roy answered him.

“Wha--?” He wondered, turning around to see me. “Who—What are you?”

“I’m part Methanosian.” I told him, as I focused and turned back to my human form right before his eyes.

“Incredible!” He remarked.

“Hey, where’s Angela?” Kim asked me.

“Um…” Was all I could say.

“Where is she?” She asked again.

“She’s still in the pod…” I quietly told her.

“What? We have to get her!” She exclaimed.

“I don’t know where it is now… It’s on its way to Earth.” I answered.

“I’ll find it!” Dexter told us. He went to his big computer, and typed in something. A red blinking dot appeared, slowly making its way to a big green and blue dot. “Okay… She’s headed to Earth. Well, the pod is. Let me see if she’s still in it.” He checked a few more things, and we saw her on the big screen. “Phew, she is!”

“Who is this?” Angela asked. “Oh, it’s you.”

“How are you holding up?” Dexter asked her. “I understand your escape pod has been damaged.”

“I’m holding on. How long ‘til I get to Earth? And where are Ben, Roy, and Kim?” She asked.

“Forty two minutes, sixteen seconds and counting. And their right here.” He answered her.

“What? You’re in space?”

“Yes. I came here to fight Fuse’s minions. I’ll send someone to get you.”

“Who’s Fuse?” She asked.

“That, I will explain when we get to Earth.” He answered. “Techno Fox Titan, could you go get there friend? She’s in a badly damaged escape pod headed to Earth.”

“I’ll go get her. But remember, it’s TFT.” The boy reminded him. He had black hair, and was wearing blue armor with a white trim. Then, he picked up a metal box, and it changed into a blue and white laser cannon.

“How did you do that?” Roy asked. “That metal thing… You changed it into a weapon!”

“It’s my power.” TFT answered, grinning. “I can change metal into armor and weapons. That’s also how I made this armor.”

“Woah.” Roy responded, amazed.

“Well, I’ll go get your friend now.” He said, and then he walked out the door, and a moment later, he was outside the window, and he used his jetpack to zoom out into space, searching for Angela.

“Good. Once he finds your friend, he’ll bring her back here.” Dexter told us. “Dexbot 923G, bring Roy and Kim to medical attention.”

“Yes sir, Master Dexter.” The Dexbot answered, taking them somewhere else.

“Okay. But why are all these ships shooting everywhere? They were the reason the pod was damaged in the first place.” I asked Dexter.

“The ones that are shooting Fusion Matter, the green stuff, are Fuse’s ships. It’s a long story…”

“I want to know now.”

“It can wait until we arrive at Earth.” Dexter answered, thinking he had ended this conversation.

“I want to know now.”

“I said—Oh, fine, but let’s wait until your friend arrives. I don’t want to repeat myself.”

“Okay.”

We waited for about ten minutes, when finally TFT got here with Angela.

“Got her.” TFT greeted us as he arrived.

“Good.” Dexter answered.

“Ben!” Angela screamed, grinning.

“Welcome back.” I answered, also grinning.

“Alright, so now—NO!” Dexter yelled as he looked as his screen.

“What is—No way!” TFT shouted, also seeing the screen.

“What is it!?!” I asked them, panicking.

“We’ve been shot!” Dexter shouted. “We’re going down!”

“Where will we land!?!” Angela asked.

“I don’t know!” Dexter answered, frustrated that he didn’t know something.


“What do we do!?!” TFT yelled.

Before anything more could be say, the ship spun uncontrollably, and we blacked out...


“Are you okay? Answer me!” A voice said.

“Oh…” I moaned.

“Great! You’re alive!” The voice answered.

“…Who are you? And where am I?” I asked the voice, my eyes still closed.

“My name is Senro Hurasame, and you’re in City Station.” He answered.

“What happened?” I asked him, trying to get up.

“Woah, take it easy.” He said, pushing me back down. “Well, I think you’re the last of them.”

“Last of who?”

“Last of the survivors. You crashed.” He answered. “Now, I’ll get you to Dexlabs.”

I opened my eyes, and I was laying down in a bed, Dexter standing over me.

“Aren’t we already there?” I asked.

“We just got here.” Senro answered. He had black clothes on, and black hair, but I couldn’t see his eyes, because he was right by the window, and the sun was bright.

“But…”

“I have speed powers.” He answered, smiling.

“Is he okay?” Someone else asked.

“He’s alive.” Dexter answered. “Zane, could you go check on the others?”

“If their alive.” He answered. I looked over at him, and saw that he had jet black hair, black trench coat, black shirt, shoes and pants.

“Stop being so grim.” Dexter snapped back.

Then, I fell asleep, exhausted.
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PostSubject: Re: Ben Emeraldburn, Season One: Time & Space.   Thu May 28, 2009 10:14 am

Chapter Six: Battle of Tech Square.

When I woke up, sirens were blaring, and people were running around the halls with weapons. I sat up, looking around for the others.

“What happened?” I asked the room, confused.

“Get up! Now!” A mysterious voice yelled to me. “They’re coming!”

“Who?” I asked, confused even more.

“Get up!” He yelled again, pulling me up.

“What do we do now?” I asked him, analyzing him to see that he had black shy-guy hair, black eyes, black long sleeve t-shirt, with black pants, and black shoes. He was also holding a black and gray sword. It looked as if it was made of stone.

“We have to fight!” He shouted.

“I have to go find my friends!” I shouted back.

Then a green person, like at Vilgax’s ship, jumped through the window and started sword fighting the kid. The green person had a kilt, and a great sword.

“Don’t just stand there!” The kid yelled. “Help me fight him!”

So I focused, and transformed into my Methanosian form, and shot several firebolts at the green person, but he dodged it and ran.

“Ugh!” The boy yelled in disgust.

“What’s going on? And who are you?” I asked him.

“I’m Maru Ohashi.” He told me. “We don’t have time for the last one right now, though. All you need to know is that all the green people are bad!”

“Okay… But I need to find my friends.”

“Okay. I’ll help.” Maru said. “Who are they? First and last names.”

“Roy Emeraldburn, Kim Emeraldburn, and Angela Mysteries.” I told him.

“Well, that’s easy. They came in yesterday. Around the corner.” He said, pointing.

“Thanks!” I said, running around the corner to their rooms. “Guys! Wake up!”

“I’m already awake. What was that noise?” Angela asked.

“I’m not really sure. Wake up Roy and Kim, I gotta go help a friend.” I told her, then I ran off after Maru.

“So, what’s your name?” He asked me as we ran through the hallways, looking for Dexter.

“Ben. Ben Emeraldburn.” I told him. “So, what’s happening? Who’s Fuse?”

He sighed at that question. “Fine. He’s this guy who came from Planet Fusion, and came to take Earth. He’s been traveling around for who knows how long, and now he’s come to our planet, trying to absorb it into his. To make it worse, he’s made copies of the strongest of us, stealing something you own to do it. The copies are called fusions. That’s it, except—Dexter!” He yelled, as we saw him a fusion, using a wrench to fight.

“Dexter!” I yelled, as I shot some firebolts at the fusion. The fusion had short black hair, green skin, and a green dress with a black stripe. The fusion fell down, and it didn’t move. Dexter moved closer to investigate, but the fusion grabbed Dexter and flew away!

“No! Dex!” Maru yelled, trying to jump and grab him. But he was out of reach, and the fusion flew somewhere else, and we couldn’t see him.

Then, I heard a weird beeping sound, and Maru picked something out of his pocket.

“Yeah?” He asked, as he answered it. “He is? I’ll go—No, where? Okay, I’ll handle him. Thanks, bye.” Then he hung up something. “Ben? Take this.” He took out a second thing, and gave it to me. I focused, and turned back into my human form.

“What is it?” I asked him.

“It’s a nanocom.” He answered. “It’s a phone, and it holds lots of stuff. It also holds nanos.”

“What are nanos?” I asked him, not understanding anything. He sighed.

“Every time you kill a fusion or a monster you get fusion matter. It helps you make nanos. Nanos are mini heroes. You kill a fusion, you get their nano if a precious object stolen from the hero falls into the fusion matter spilled from the fusion. Now, you have a mission. Go kill—“

“Ben!” Angela said, entering the room. “I woke them up, and they’re helping some people fight off these monsters.”

“Okay. Maru, as you were saying?”

“Fusion Buttercup, the one that took Dexter, is hiding in her lair. Go kill her and get Dex back, okay?”

“We’re on it.” Angela said.

So the two of us, we ran out of Dexlabs, and we ran where my nanocom told us to. A couple minutes later, we saw a green spot on the ground, with green tentacles sticking out of it.

“The nanocom says this is the place.” I told her.

“What do we do?” She asked me.

“Um… Well…” I said, trying to figure out how to get in. Then, I tried holding onto the tentacles, and it wrapped around me, and threw me down inside it.

“Help!” I yelled, hoping Angela could hear me. I was lying on the ground, my leg twisted.

“Ben!?!” She called out, looking for me.

“I’m down here!” I yelled back to her.

“How do I get to you?” She asked, worried.

“Shake hands with the tentacles.” I told her.

A few seconds later, she got flung down and landed right by me.

“Oh…” She groaned.

“OW!” I tried to get up, but I fell back down in pain.

“Let me help you.” She said, and she pulled me up, but my right leg fell limp, and it was tingling in pain.

“Ugh… I don’t think I can stand up on my own…” I groaned.

“Maybe…” She said, thinking. “Ben, do you think you can transform into your Methanosian form? Your legs will be stronger.”

“Good idea.” I focused, and I transformed into my Methanosian form. “Wow, I do feel better. Thanks”

“Alright, let’s go kill Fusion Buttercup.” She said.

We ran ahead, and we saw her at the end. We also saw Dexter, tied up.

“I’ll go in and firebolt her, and you go over there and shoot her.” I whispered to her.

“Right.” She agreed.

I ran in, and shot several firebolts at her, then Angela shot her. But she flew up, and while I looked up and fired at her, something rumbled. I looked down to see several cracks, and I quickly jumped to the side, while Angela shot her down. The fusion turned to goo, and something popped out of it. It was like the fusion, but different. Short black hair, green dress with black stripe, but normal skin.

As I untied Dexter, Angela picked the thing up. I realized it was a nano.

“Dex, you okay?” I asked him as I freed him.

“Yes, thank you. Now, we must escape. Follow me.” He said, as he went to the other portal, and warped out.

“Angela, c’mon.” I said, as I went towards it.

“What is this?” She asked me, showing me the nano.

“I’ll explain later. Now, hurry up, we gotta go.” Then, I went into the portal, and the tentacles threw me up. A few seconds later, Angela jumped out of it, holding her Buttercup nano.

“Kim! Watch out!” I spun around, and I saw Roy and Kim, on a bridge, and he jumped in front of Kim, who was being targeted by a giant, flying, technical bat.

“Roy!” I yelled, as I caught Roy from falling off the bridge.

Kim shot the cyber bat thing down, and Angela’s Buttercup finished it.

“Everyone! Get on the ship, Tech Square’s going down!” A boy yelled. He had a brown cap with a 2 on it, blue shirt, and brown pants. He was also a little big around the stomach area.

“Guys! Get on the ship!” I yelled, and we ran on. Dexter followed us, and a samurai, an African American girl with a red cap, and Maru got on too. And as we left, I heard a big explosion.

While Dexter told Roy, Kim, and Angela about nanos and all that stuff, I looked out the window. I saw a giant tree-house, on a floating platform in the sky. As we landed on it, the kid with the blue shirt and brown cap spoke.

“Welcome to Sector V.” He said.
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PostSubject: Re: Ben Emeraldburn, Season One: Time & Space.   Thu May 28, 2009 10:14 am

Chapter Seven: Sector V.

As I stepped out, I looked around. I saw a lot of kids. There were three girls, one of them the real Buttercup, and her two sisters. One of them had blond piggy tail hair, and a blue dress with a black stripe. The other had long, red hair, a red dress, and a black stripe. I was detecting a pattern…

I also saw a second ship, they were kind of like buses, but they had “KND: S.C.A.M.P.E.R.” written on both sides. A kid stepped out, he was bald, had shades on, wore a red sweater, and grey shorts. That’s when I recognized him.

“Hey, you.” I whispered to the kid with the blue shirt. “Who’s he?” I pointed to the kid with the shades.

“That’s Numbuh One. I’m Numbuh Two, and over there is Numbuh Five.” He said, pointing to the girl with the red cap.

“Well… Does Numbuh One have a fusion?” I asked him, remembering Vilgax’s control room.

“Don’t we all?” He said.

“…Wait…Shouldn’t there be a Numbuh Three and Four?” I asked him.

“…Their dead.” He sighed.

“Oh… I’m sorry…” I realized. I walked away, leaving him alone. I looked back at the scamper Numbuh One had got out of, and saw Zane, Senro, and TFT get out. At least they survived.

“Ben.” Roy said, coming up from behind me.

“Yeah?” I asked, turning around to see him.

“Me and Angela, we have a mission. We’re going to this place called Genius Grove.”

“Okay. I’ll watch Kim.” I told him.

“Seeya.” He said, as he left with Angela.

“Hey, you.” Numbuh Two said to me, running up to me. “I have a mission for you.”

“Alright, what?” I asked him.

“I need you to kill Fusion me.” He said.

“Fusion Numbuh Two? Why?” I asked him.

“He… He killed Numbuh Three and Four. He won’t get away with that!” He answered, furious. “He’s in the training area south of here.

“I’m on it. Kim, let’s go.”

“Okay.” She said.

We ran south, shooting whatever shot us. A couple minutes later, we found a dexbot on top of a portal like thing.

“Let us in, please.” I told it.

“Yes, sir.” As it said that, I started to feel pain everywhere. Then I felt hollow, and I saw a bright light. The next thing I knew, I was in the IZ with Kim.

“You ready? Looks like we’ll be jumping.” I said to her.

“I’m ready.”

We jumped across the platforms, and made a couple of turns. I ran across a fallen beam, and Kim continued to jump. Then my nanocom rang.

“Hello?” I asked.

“It’s Roy. Listen, could you come help us? We’re on our way to fighting a fusion!”

“I’m sorry, we can’t. We’re about to fight one too. Fusion Numbuh Two.” I answered.

“Oh. Well—THERE HE IS! GET HIM!” He yelled, and the nanocom hung up.

“Good luck, Roy.” I muttered under my breath. “Let’s go, Kim.”

We soon arrived at the fusion portal.

“How do we get in?” She asked me.

“Wait.” I told her, and this time, I transformed into my Methanosian form, and hugged her, then shook hands with the tentacles, then we wooshed through. When we landed, luckily, I was on bottom. That plan would have completely backfired if I wasn’t.

Kim got up, and looked around at the lair.

“Well, you ready?” She asked me.

“Yeah, let’s go find him.”

Wasn’t that hard. He flew down from the ceiling, and swiftly knocked Kim out. I shot several streams of fire at him, but he dodged it. He shot ice cream cones at me out of this badly-made weapon, and I stared. I laughed, and threw a rock at him.

But he got up, and shot hot dogs at me. I really wasn’t impressed. I jumped and tackled him, scattering his weapons to the floor. He tried to reach for one, but I knocked it aside with one hand. Suddenly, a burst of fire came out of my mouth. I stood up, and the fusion had turned to a puddle of fusion matter.

A mini Numbuh Two flew out, and came towards me. I smiled, and picked it up. Then my nanocom did something weird.

“Congratulations! You have received Nano Numbuh Two. His powers include the following: Run, self. It will speed up your running! Recall, group. If you are in an Infected Zone, and you and your friends fell off a high platform or building, you and they will warp back off from where you fell! Bonus. When you complete a mission, your nano Numbuh Two will beg for more taros, and you will get more taros!” The nanocom told me, in an announcer like voice.

“Okay…” I said.

“Huh? What happened?” Kim asked, as she got up.

“I killed Fusion Numbuh Two, and got a nano. Let’s go back to Sector V now.”

“Okay.”
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PostSubject: Re: Ben Emeraldburn, Season One: Time & Space.   Thu May 28, 2009 10:15 am

Chapter Eight: Time and Fuse.

Kim and I arrived back at Sector V, bouncing up there on the jump pads. We met Roy and Angela there, and caught up.

“I got a nano!” I said, grinning.

“Me too.” Roy answered, showing us a nano of a boy with pinkish skin, and a yellow shirt with two red stripes.

“Who’s he?” I asked him.

“His name’s Eddy, and he can speed us up, heal me, and guard me.” He answered.

“Wow.” I answered. “Cool.”

“Attention!” Someone yelled, with an English accent. “Calling up Senro Hurasame, Zane Coda, and Maru Ohashi! We have special missions for you three!”

I turned to see who it was, and it was Numbuh One. He was talking on a microphone, calling them up. The three went up to Numbuh One, then they followed him inside.

“What was that?” I asked Angela.

“I don’t know…”

Then, my nanocom rang, and I answered.

“Hello?” I asked.

“Come quickly to Goat’s Junkyard, your services are needed.” The person spoke quickly, and hung up.

“Who was that?” Roy asked.

“I don’t know. Something about Goat’s Junkyard…”

“Goat’s Junkyard? That’s south-east of Cul-De-Sac. Let’s take a scamper there.” Roy answered.

“Alright.”

We got on a scamper, and flew to Cul-De-Sac. But when we arrived, the driver stopped us.

“150 taros, please.”

“Um…” I had no idea what he was talking about.

“You think this is free?” He answered, annoyed.

“Oh…”

“Oh, get out!” He yelled, slamming the door behind us. He quickly floated back into the air, turned, and zoomed off to Sector V. He looked mad.

“Let’s hurry.” I said, and we left the Cul-De-Sac gates. We ran east, and went across a bridge. It was guarded by to kids in black, with long, dangerous looking weapons. We went by them swiftly, and then we went south. As we got closer, it smelled worse.

“Geez, this place smells awful.” I said, covering my nose. As we were about to cross the bridge, I froze. The smell was too much to handle. Then, a kid in black walked up to us and gave us these mask things.

“Free smellmets.” He said.

“Thanks!” I said, putting mine on and passing the others around. We entered the junkyard, and we saw the samurai that had gotten on the scamper with us at Tech Square.

“Hello.” He greeted us. “I have a mission for you.”

“What is it?” I asked him.

“There’s a fusion monster in Peach Creek Estates that we need to take care of. You see,--“

“Jack!” A familiar voice yelled.

“Yes?” The samurai asked, turning around.

“You had a mission for me? The time stream?” I turned around, and I saw Maru Ohashi, wearing a gas mask.

“Ah, yes. Go to Peach Creek Estates, and defeat the Verminators. They have stolen the key.”

“Got it.” Maru said. “Oh, hey Ben. Good luck with your mission.” Then he left.

As he left, something appeared right in front of me.

“Woah!” I yelled.

“Hey Ben.” I backed away, and I saw Senro. Then he ran into the IZ.

“Well, as I was saying, you see, Fusion Eduardo has kidnapped Eduardo. We must save them.”

“Alright, guys. Let’s go.”

We traveled north, the five of us. We passed several Verminators, but before they could do anything, Maru quickly rushed up and defeated them. We soon arrived at the warp gate. We entered, and my nanocom told us to travel to the left. Two minutes later, we arrived at the entrance.

“Are you ready?” The samurai asked.

“We’re ready.” Roy said.

But before I could hug the tentacles after turning into my Methanosian form, the samurai stopped me.

“That is not the proper technique.” He said. “First, you walk into the tentacles, let them surround you. Then, you will be slowly pulled into the lair.”

“Whatever.” I said, rolling my eyes.

We went in, one at a time. First Kim, then Roy. Then Angela, then me, and finally, the samurai. Then I heard terrified screams. It was Eduardo. We ran forward, and we arrived at the end three minutes later.

The fusion was ugly. We quickly started to attack. Jack and Roy were slashing it from the right, and me and Angela were shooting it with laser/fire from the left. But Kim was all alone, shooting it right in front of it.

Fusion Eduardo charged like a bull, heading right towards Kim. It looked like he would run over her. Then, Eduardo ran across the battlefield, picking up Kim along the way.

“No hurting my friends!” Eduardo roared, saving Kim’s life.

While the Fusion was distracted, I burned it down. As it fell, something popped out of it, right into Kim’s hands.

“Hola!” The nano said, grinning ear to ear.

“Hi!” Kim greeted him, hugging it.

I smiled. We left the lair with Eduardo, and walked out of the IZ. We went towards the IZ, and I realized something. Kim continued to have her nano out. I didn’t understand. Then again, I didn’t even understand what nanos were for. I’ll make sure to figure that out later.

Ring! Ring! My nanocom rang.

“Hello?” I asked.

“Ben, I need you to come to Sector V quickly. I have a project, and I’m assigning it to you.”

“Project? What? You do know, we’re not staying to live here. I decline.”

“You will be paid. Spaceships aren’t free.”

I thought for a little while. We did need the money, and spaceships really aren’t free…

“Fine.”

“Good. Report back to Sector V immediately. Dexter out.” He hung up.

“Alright, guys. We have a mission.” I said.

All five looked at me.

“Just the four of us, not you two.” I said.

“Oh.” The samurai said.

“We have a project, or something. We will be paid, and then we can buy a spaceship and get home. We have to go to Sector V.”

“Let’s go then.” Roy said.

We waved goodbye, our group and Eduardo starting to go west, the samurai continuing to go south. We soon arrived at the Cul-De-Sac, and we waved goodbye to Eduardo as we boarded the scamper. But, Eduardo ran up to us, and I thought he wanted to come along. But he just wanted to give us some money for the scamper.

“Thanks.” I whispered. If we can’t afford a scamper ride, we REALLY can’t afford a spaceship.

“Si amigos! Bye bye!” He said, smiling.

We soon arrived at Sector V. We climbed off, and flew up to the tree house on a bounce pad. We arrived, but I didn’t see Dexter. But Numbuh Two came up to us.

“Hey, you guys ready to go back in time?” He asked, grinning.

“What!?!” I asked.

“Oh… Dex didn’t tell you…” He realized. “Well, the project is: Go into the past and warn us about Fuse. Then, we’ll decide later-or, earlier- on what you four should do next. Simple, right?”

“Back in time? SIMPLE?”

“Well, think about. But spaceships-“

“-Aren’t free, I know, I know!” I cut in.

“Okay! Now, I have to go work on the time machine. I sent out some people to collect the parts.”

That must have been the special mission.

“Okay.” I sat down on a bench, and I thought about it…

“We got it!” Someone yelled, and I turned to see Senro, Maru, and Zane walking towards Numbuh Two. Senro handed him a robot head, Maru handed him a glowing stone, and Zane gave him a white bottle with the words “Future Paste” drawn on it.

“Thanks, guys. Mission complete!” Numbuh Two said.

The three walked over to us.

“Hey, Ben!” Senro said. “We’re going into the Past!”

“That’s nice…” I muttered.

“What’s wrong? Don’t be a Zane.” Maru said.

“Nice, guys. Real nice.” Zane said.

Senro laughed. “Well, it is good to not be so gloomy like you.”

“So, what’s wrong?” Maru asked.

“I’m thinking of whether I should go into the Past or not.” I answered.

“Well, good luck.” They left.

Six hours later…

I knew my decision.

We walked over to the warp gate, and Numbuh Two was standing by it.

“You know what you’re gonna do?” He asked.

“I’m in.”

We warped inside, and I saw I giant portal with the number 8 over it.

“Alright, guys. Their in!” Numbuh Two cheered. There were a couple of other people there too. Senro, Maru, Zane, TFT, Numbuh One, Numbuh Five, and Dexter were all there.

CRASH!

I spun around, and I saw an ugly creature. It was giant, and it was green, and kind of red stone. It had powerful green tentacles sticking out of his head. It was Fuse.

“Attack!” Numbuh Two yelled.

We fought bravely. Senro, right at the start of the battle, jumped up to his head and threw a powerful punch at him. TFT shot this huge bazooka, I had never seen anything like it. Maru must have this weird power, because along with his sword, he shot this really powerful black energy balls at him out of his hands. And Zane shot energy balls from his hands too, but they weren’t black. And Numbuh One and Numbuh Five shot gumballs and teddy bears, but they weren’t much help.

“Get in the time machine! It’s too late!” Dexter yelled.

“What about the future!?!” I asked.

“There will be no Future already! The only chance to save it is to go to the Past!” Dexter shouted.

We ran to the time machine as Fuse shot at us. Kim got in, and 8 turned to 7. Angela and Roy got in, and 7 turned to 5. TFT and Maru and Zane got in, and 5 turned to 2. Me and Senro were about to enter, when I heard I gigantic “BOOOOOOOOOM!!!”.

“The Gravity Decelerator broke! WE’RE GOING DOWN!” Numbuh Two shouted at the top of his lungs.

The tree house was falling, and Fuse was shooting fusion matter everywhere. Me and Senro quickly ran in, and 2 turned to none.


In the Past, I thought it would be safe, at least at first. It wasn’t. When I opened my eyes, we were surrounded by five fusions.
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PostSubject: Re: Ben Emeraldburn, Season One: Time & Space.   Sun Jul 05, 2009 4:30 pm

o_0

I was deleting this thread, and I accidentally sent it here, and now I can't delete it. >_<

Could you delete this Green? (Major screw-up on my part, I know.)
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PostSubject: Re: Ben Emeraldburn, Season One: Time & Space.   Sun Jul 05, 2009 5:48 pm

Wait, why do you want to delete this thread Vex? And I haven't read all of your story yet and I wanna finish reading it! So would you mind holding off on the deleting until I've fully read and commented it? Thanks, I'd really appreciate it Very Happy

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PostSubject: Re: Ben Emeraldburn, Season One: Time & Space.   Sun Jul 05, 2009 7:08 pm

Okay. I'll keep this thread open until you finish it, then I'll temporarily repost season two until you're done. Be warned, though, it'd probably be a waste of your time reading it, this is the first thing I've ever wrote. Neutral
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PostSubject: Re: Ben Emeraldburn, Season One: Time & Space.   Sun Jul 05, 2009 7:14 pm

Ok, finished. So anyway, here's the schpiel on what I have to say about your story (Hope this doesn't kill your eyes Very Happy ):

I thought that the plot line was a little shakey in that the story seems to move from one thing to the next a little too quickly in my opinion. For example, the sequence in the beginning with Ben spotting the ship to getting into combat seemd a little rushed and there wasn't a lot of time to fully grasp what was going on around them. Personally, I like to have a thouroughly detailed image in my mind when reading a story so I can fully take in the scope of the action or lack thereof and connect with the characters and the story. And there were numerous times where Ben changes into his alien form, goes on fighting, and such; but when they get into combat, he changes again and I'm having a very difficult time discerning between when Ben's in his human form and when he's in his alien form. This was what was going on in my head: "Wait, what?! Ok, so he changes into his alien form to fight the other aliens, then frees his friends, yadda yadda yadda, then onto the escape pod, they make contact with Dexter, they enter some sort of space battlefield with all these ships firing lasers around, the pod gets hit and 2 of Ben's friends get sucked out, then he turns into his alien form again? Hang on, wasn't he still alien when he got to the pod, or did I miss something?" You mention only when he's transforming into alien, but never when he changes back into human, and that, I think, was the most unclear out of everything that happens in the story. Oh yeah, and trying to measure the scale of the things going around them was difficult to visualize too. I don't feel like elaborating on that now since this sentence was written last after all the others in this reply.

As I was following the dialogue, some parts I decided to tweak to make it clearer for me to see what was going on, especially in the battle scenes. Here and there, in my mind I changed some of the dialogue around to make it more believable that the characters would really say what they meant to say. And I think I tried to block out some of the "Ugh!" and "Agh!" and other grunting dialogue because I know, or at least reason, that some attack, i.e. a fireball to the chest, would be at least somewhat painful, if not at least a nuiscance of some sort. I don't mean to violate your copyright of your material (if a lawsuit might be involved Smile ), but just so you know, I modded the storyline just a bit to make it seem smoother and more reasonable as to what the characters would say and how they would interact with each other.

And I just have to make a personal statement on the battle sequence onboard Vilgax's ship in chapter 3 pt. 3: I don't think a fireball to the face followed by a punch in the stomach and a kick in the shin would be lethal in many ways. Definitely painful and might knock one unconscious, but deadly it ain't. Also, even in alien form, any unprotected life form stranded in space would probably die in seconds of exposure, even if being pulled in by some sort of tractor beam from a giant spaceship. I get the need for oxygen part, but you wouldn't have several minutes to make it to safety like they did. Besides, your blood or whatever liquid oxygen-carrying tissue (yes, blood is a tissue) flows throughout the body, would boil off in the empty vacuum of space. And I didn't quite see how Ben could have killed that crystalsapien with his fireballs alone and how he would have appeared to have been killed. It along with the entire sequence from escaping the cells to getting to the escape pod was all really foggy in my mind. Apparently you have a very wide knowledge on the alien species featured in Ben10, good for you Smile .

Moving on to Earth: Umm, I don't really think I can point out any 1 particlar detail, but overall the scene was also a bit rushed and unclear. I was surprised to see some of the other characters not in the Future zone to be featured like Numbuh 1 and the other PPGs besides Buttercup. I do feel sad for the tragic loss of Numbuhs 3 and 4, but what I don't get is that if Numbuh 2 feels so hurt about it, why doesn't he go into his Fusion's lair and take out the guilty being himself instead of sending someone else to do the dirty work and not getting revenge? I don't think I would want to send someone else I barely know to kill the one who killed my closest friends, would you? I'm just saying: bizzare logic, don't you think?

Grammar, spelling, and word usage: There were a number of usage and grammar errors throughout the story that somewhat distracted me from the overall effect of the story. I also think varying your sentence and paragraph length would provide variaiton in the story, making it more appealing to continue reading. Have you considered re-reading something you've written from top to bottom before, and outloud? You can spot some critical errors that you might have missed before once you hear it through your ears and not just in your mind. I'm not trying to pound you to the floor with error after error: I'm trying to help Smile

If I was grading you based on these qualities, I would ask you to go back and revise the entire story so that you can more effectively communicate your ideas and intentions of the story to the reader. I like the plotline and think it's great and can go far, but I think you can do a better job of helping us fully understand what is going on. I haven't read season 2 yet, but I would bet that similar issues affect it as well. Just something to keep in mind as you write, ok? Good luck Smile

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PostSubject: Re: Ben Emeraldburn, Season One: Time & Space.   Sun Jul 05, 2009 7:27 pm

Uh-huh... Yup, pretty much as bad as I expected. This is the first thing I wrote, so I didn't really expect it to be good. I'm trying to improve though... So I guess we'll just have to see how my new fanfic turns out...

Yes, I made a new fanfic today. I had to much writer's block on this one, partly because it didn't seem to really have any good, hard storyline. My new fanfic does have a planned-out storyline though, unlike this one, where I just made up a plot as I went... -_-
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PostSubject: Re: Ben Emeraldburn, Season One: Time & Space.   Sun Jul 05, 2009 7:36 pm

Ok then. I look forward to seeing how well your new story goes and I'll try my best to help out wherever I can Smile . I guess you can scrap re-releasing Season 2 then: I guess it would be a waste of my time. So move along with your other story and I hope that the feedback I gave you will help you with writing it as it unfolds.

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PostSubject: Re: Ben Emeraldburn, Season One: Time & Space.   Sun Jul 05, 2009 10:06 pm

You went so far out of your way to do that NZero, I'm donating you some Reputation just for that. Keep being amasing! Razz

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PostSubject: Re: Ben Emeraldburn, Season One: Time & Space.   Tue Jul 07, 2009 8:30 pm

Wow, that's quite a bit of rep there! Thanks Green! Very Happy

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